It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken

So I have been having major issues lately on my breakup with Adam. I went to Barnes and Noble to look around and see what I could find on anything. I was actually wanting to get the Julie and Julia book but ended up in Self Improvement instead. Anyway I saw this book, "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken", and read the summary and looked at the chapters and flipped through it a little and said this is what I think might help me out. So far it's like they are in my head and know what I am thinking, and I am just on the first chapter. So I think I will blog about this book and how it is helping me. Look Jason I have a blog now.


Chapter 1: I am not all the way through it yet but the first question/letter got me good. The girl was dating a guy who was talking about marrying her and they looked at rings and everything. So for Christmas she thought she was getting a proposal and so she maxed out her card and bought him a plasma tv. Sounding very familiar to me right now. He didn't propose and broke up with her the next day and kept the tv. Sounding even more familiar. The author answered back stating, "Never buy a man a plasma tv until you are married." Very good advice, wish I heard that over a year ago. He also says that when a girl calls off an engagement she gives the ring back so if guy breaks up with you he should give the plasma tv back. Well I did get it back actually I took it and then gave it back in return for the rest of my stuff that was at the house that he wouldn't let me get. So he has the mattress and tv so I could get my kitchen stuff out. Sucks because now I am filing bankruptcy and he gets a free tv and mattress. AAAAGGHHH!!!! I was screamming in my head so I let it out on here instead of out loud. Maybe that is what I need to do is scream and let it out very loudly, just don't want to scare the neighbors and make them think I am being murdered. More letters to read but that first one hit home hard.

I don't want him back, but I do still love him a in small way. Yes he hurt me deeply and he is the scum of the earth, actually he is under the scum of the earth but I still care for him. I will say this again, I DO NOT WANT HIM BACK!!! He is a cheater and liar and worthless. The only good thing that came from him are his 3 kids, I hope they turn out better than him. My heart aches but I was glad we broke up and I was fine with that and staying friends, but then he brought HER into the picture and I find out what actually was going on and that hurt more than anything. I have never had a guy dump me for someone else or even break up with me and then literally 5 minutes later go fuck someone else in the back seat of the truck I helped him get. Yes I am cursing mother, if your reading this, because I am still pissed about that. And then mover her and her 4 kids in a week later and expect me to be ok with it. Also during the week after we broke up he expects me to take care of his boys that we have for a week, which I really didn't mind since I love those boys but I wasn't thinking. I should have taken them back to their mother that night he broke up with me. The only thing was I didn't believe we were really broken up until 2 days later. UGH!!!! I'm an idiot but I had never been in that situation before and didn't know what to do or how to act so I tried to be the bigger person and be nice and all that crap!! So I will not move in with a guy or buy him shit until there is a ring on my finger. Can't say I won't sleep with him but I will never get myself in that position again. I am hoping my friends will help me with that.

I still get choked up when I think about what I went through with him and for him and how much in love I was with him even though he was a jerk to me most of the time. But I can't put full blame on him. I wasn't the greatest either, I would criticize him and belittle him a lot. I wasn't bossy unless it dealt with money. It wasn't meant to be and I knew that very early on in the relationship but I didn't want to move back in with my parents and hear the I told you so and you should never do that and blah blah blah BS from my mother. As much as it wasn't going to work and I knew it I still fell for him and tried to make it work even though I knew it was going to end. I wanted to prove others wrong and help out a friend, and I still consider him a friend after all the shit he did to me, don't ask me why. I will never do anything for him ever again unless he does something for me first that is greater than what he wants or needs.

I do miss the companionship and the caring for someone and them for me when we are on a good day. We did have some fun and laughs, there were good times. I miss the person next to me holding me while we sleep. Of course that lasted the first 2 maybe 3 months of the relationship. I miss the kissing, the smile and look in his eye that showed he cared. I miss the being smarter than me on some issues that I knew nothing about and letting him think I didn't know something when I did so that he wouldn't feel intimidated. Of course by the end of our relationship I was proving him wrong on a lot of things and making him feel stupid. Not to be mean just to prove that I was right and that he wasn't always right about stuff.

I could write about this all night and maybe even write a book about it but I will write the book later once I am done with the one I am writing now. More to come on all this as I read the Breakup book. You could say I am a bit depressed and feel like I have no closure but that is what this book is supposed to help me with. Also I hate him with a passion. I hate him I hate him I hate him!!!!!!!!!!! We will see what happens as I read this book.