Life has to many directions to take

This one will probably mostly be just plain rambling. So now that you have been warned do you still want to read this?? If you do, continue to read. If not then close this window now.

A lot has gone on in the last 8-9 months. I had started reading a book to help me get over the break up with Adam as a previous blog has stated. Since then I have loaned that book to another friend who needed it more than I did. But I am happy to say I am over that jerk and am moving on with my life. That is all I am saying about that right now.

My brother is now a MARINE!! he went in at the end of January and graduated in April and is now in infantry school at Camp Pendleton. I am sooo proud of him. He is where he belongs and I am glad he is doing what he loves. But it does make my heart ache though knowing that something could happen to him and I don't know what I would do if my brother was gone. I have been an emotional wreck since he left for boot camp and I think its not just because I love my brother so much but also because of Joey, who was in the Air Force and died during a training flight. That really has had me emotional for a long time, of course being sick hasn't helped either. This and the next paragraph make me tear up everytime I think about them. I think I need to see someone about that....

Another thing that has had me emotional is my dear friend Brandon who has been in the hospital since the end of January. He went in thinking he had pneumonia and ended up having H1N1. He was close to dying but he pulled through and has recovered mostly. Just having stomach issues now with keeping food down. So not being able to talk to him or get txts from from him has been hard. He's one of my best friends!! Love you Brandon!! You will get over this obstacle, just keep the faith!

My other best friend Brian has moved to South Africa for 3yrs. Doing what he loves, being a lawyer, and giving me more opportunities to travel!! Brian if you were straight.......love you!! I am working on saving money to come see you. I have a budget so if I stick to it I will be able to make it for our Birthday's. Get that soccer team ready for me....lol.

I want out of my parent's house and in my own place again. I am slowly getting there. It will take another year I think before I can do anything. But as I have lived here I have thrown things out that are trash and I have given a lot of stuff away. I need to go back to storage and pull more things out and go through it all and see what I want to keep and not keep but if you have seen my storage it is a HUGE task that I need help with and patience. In the process of getting rid of things I have also gotten rid of things that remind me of the relationship that everyone knows about so I don't have to say it. If only I could sell my truck then I think that would be the last thing I need to get rid of. I won't let me ears close up and get them re-pierced. But that's a little sacrifice I have to live with...lol.

I miss my son!! I haven't seen him in a few months and I just haven't had the money to go see him. Not sure when I will get to go up there. If only the Pioneer house was still open. It was a house that was free to the families of the children that are at the facility. But because of cost the company is selling it and the families have to go stay at hotels which are not close and if they are they are not very good. So that's a bummer. I am tempted to see if my son's trust will pay the money to buy it but I doubt it since its not a direct need for Nicholas. Stingy trust fund people!!! I have a dream of opening a facility in the Houston area for kids like my son to live and then I could move my son there and he will be close to me, how does one go about doing that?? Lots of grants and donations and time I am sure but need to get my foot in the door to start that. Anyone want to help me? If you have been to my son's facility then you will want to help me and to build a place like the Ronald McDonald house for the parents of these kids to stay at for the weekend or week or however long they want to stay and visit their child. This is a huge project I want to do but need land to build on outside of the city but close enough to a hospital so the kids have easy access when emergencies occur, and they do occur. My son is proof of that on many occasions!! Or a nice building that is big enough and safe enough for kids like my son. So if you have info on how I can get that started please send it my way.

I also want to go back to school and finish my Criminal Justice degree. I know I have about a year or two left. But I don't know if all my credits are still around since its been awhile since I have been to school and I don't know all the rules now. But I am going to try anyway. I love Massage but I love CJ too!! I have wanted to be a cop since I was in 7th grade. Well not exactly a cop but undercover, fbi, cia, detective, csi(even though I am horrible at math and science), and cps. I have joked about doing auto dealers but I don't think I want to be associated with my ex in that way....ugh. But this is another dream of mine that I want to get started on and complete. Guess I need to work on that FAFSA application.

On the upside of some of the depressing stuff I am open to dating again!! I have been single for almost a year now. I am ready to move on but just dating, not really a relationship unless it just works out that way. If you look on my facebook under notes you will see my criteria, it is a bit much but I am not asking for all of it just 90%. I know its a hard thing to find the right guy but I have never really seen myself married and still don't. Consider me unattainable, at least I consider myself that and that might be my problem but I like my freedom and being able to do whatever. I also like having someone around too. See I am torn on what I really want so that is why I am sticking to the dating and just having fun. If the right guy comes along I hope I am awake enough to notice and not screw it up. A friend of mine has tried to set me up with some guys she knows but that didn't work out. She knows guys that are under the age of 28. I want someone closer to my age, 29-37. I guess that is a good age range. Well good luck on your hunt for finding a guy to send me on a date with, and yes I am leaving it up to you, my family and friends who know me. Or you think you know me, ha ha.

So is this considered a book yet? Just kidding. Although I am attempting to write a book. Not going well so far. I am not good at dialogue, exaggeration on things, and what perspective I want to write it in, 1st person, 3rd person...I dunno. I have written almost 2 chapters or maybe 3. I also have another idea for a book that I had started my senior year of high school, well its more of an outline that I did for english class. I have two other ideas also one not sure when I will get around to doing but the other I would need parental friend's help since it will be about your kids. But I need help writing properly...Mrs. Hoffman-Lach??

I am so happy to say that I will be a counselor again at Camp Janus. It is the camp for burned kids through the shriners and other organizations that I can't think of right now. My dad got me started on it since he has been volunteering for about 20yrs. This will be my 4th year. It is soo much fun and I love all the kids there. I have started a photo album of the camp. Every year its a different theme, this year is Space Odyssey. Last year was Harry Potter and we have done Pirates and The World is waiting...Go(each cabin was a different country, mine was Egypt). So this year each cabin will be a different planet, including Pluto(my favorite). So should be fun. I love decorating the cabin. This will be my 3rd year to be a lead counselor and my second year with the Junior girls(age 10-13). We go horse back riding, swimming in the pool, paint ball, archery, canoeing, ropes course, and several other things that keep these kids busy and make them feel like they can do anything regardless of any burn scars or damage to them from the burn they have. No one looks at them funny and we love them all and make sure everyone is smiling and have a great time. My favorite part is doing pranks. I get all giddy talking about them. Last year my cabin got the boys cabin good. No details but we were told we did the best job ever on a cabin and that was by one of the boy campers...lol. Its always a great time there. If you want to learn more or would like to donate since this is a non-profit organization please go to www.campjanus.org We raise money all year round so that these kids can go to camp and not have to worry about cost. We have around 50 kids a year go to camp that come from all over the US and even Mexico.

Oh so much to write and not sure if I want to write it. So I will stop while I am ahead and write more later. Thanks for getting this far and reading it all, your a great friend. Now you know all.....all that I want you to know that is. he he.